Tenderness — and What I Really Think About It

When I was looking for a relationship, some very wise people (whom I deeply trust, love, and respect — professionals, too) told me:

“You need to show more tenderness.”

And for a while, I’d look at myself and wonder:

“I don’t get it. I’m very feminine — visibly so.

I’m put-together, I cook, I’m a warm and loving mother…Isn’t that tenderness?”

It wasn’t until very recently that I began to understand —that the word “tenderness” isn’t really the right word.

(At least not for me.)

But I also finally understood why people use it.

Because the real word they’re pointing to?

It’s a scary one.

And I now understand exactly who it’s always said to.

So… who?

To us.

The strong ones.

The ones who know how to do everything alone.

The multitaskers.

The women who are Wonder Woman on every level.

To those of us who aren’t just strong —but strong by necessity.

To the Wonder-Freaking-Women,that’s who they say it to.

So what’s the deal?

If you’re Wonder Woman — if you’re capable of anything —there’s a reason.

You weren’t born that way.

And here’s a secret:

It’s probably not your free will that made you this way.

Maybe you think it is.

Maybe it’s even a part of you you’ve come to love —the part that got you this far, and probably very far by now.

But more likely than not, it came from need.

From survival.

From stepping up where no one else did.

From being forced to grow up too fast.

I rarely meet women who are in full-power mode

without some deep root of necessity behind it —or until they’re completely exhausted.

It’s all shaped by the life we’ve lived.

The beliefs we were raised on.

The circumstances we didn’t choose.

But here’s what I’ve discovered:

I feel most myself when I allow myself to be vulnerable.

And let me tell you — that’s really hard for me.

It’s still a work in progress.

But that’s what they mean when they say tenderness.

For those who didn’t quite get it —the word isn’t great (it doesn’t land well for strong women).

Because the goal isn’t to stop being strong —it’s to allow ourselves to also be a little tender.

To rest.

To exhale.

To stop chasing everything all the time.

Words like release, let go, receive —they’re not part of the Wonder Woman vocabulary.

But they should be.

We need to be taught how to be tender with ourselves.

That’s the real message.

Just something I wanted to share —especially for those of you who might need to leave your (not-so-comfortable) comfort zones.

***This photo was on my vision board while I was calling in my partner.

It might seem simple to you —but for me, the idea of leaning on someone back then felt nearly impossible.

But I worked for it.

And I softened…